Weak Superhero Fight Scenes

Watched, "Man of Steal," last night. It had pretty weak fight scenes. When Superman and General Zod would throw each other, they would only go through a couple of buildings and manage to stay in the same city--New York--boring.

When I was a super hero and threw some other super hero, he/she didn't just go through a few measly buildings--they'd go through a few planets, and sometimes even a star or two.

Once, in my prime, when my brother and I were fighting--I threw him clean through a black hole. His ears rang for two months after. He was so mad.

Worst of all, General Zod had a weak neck. It's what happens when you neglect your core.

Don't neglect your core. Be a super, Super Hero.

Loren M. Lambert © December 21, 2013

The Whip that Became a Miracle Catalyst of the Obesity Pandemic/ The Beginning of the End/ or–Why I Hate Current Cuisine.

It probably happened like this. In 1933 Kraft product development whizzes where sitting in their food development chamber scheming:

Kraft R & D Director: "Let's see, Hellmann’s/Best Foods' mayonnaise has absolutely no competitor in the market since 1905. How do we come up with the miracle to create a cheaper product and to compete and thereby take over the world mayo market?”

Kraft R & D Scientist: “What do people really love? What do kids especially, really love? Only one answer-- sugar. So let's whip a bunch of sugar into our mayonnaise.”

Kraft R & D Director: “ Brilliant! What should we call it?”

Kraft R & D Marketer: “Miracle Whip!!!"

And this was the beginning of the end. This is why, kids, that almost every processed food and everything you buy at a restaurant has to have a bunch of sugar and why you are the most obese nation in the world with the highest rate of diabetes. You owe it all to Miracle Whip.

That is why I knew there was something sinister when I bit into my first sandwich as a kid with Miracle Whip on it, and that is why I hate modern cuisine.

I do not like Miracle Whip. I do not want all my food to taste like dessert anymore than I want people to run around naked all the time. There is a time for sugar and there is a time to refrain from sugar. There is a time for nakedness and a time to refrain from nakedness.

We need more nakedness and less sugar in the world–at least in its proper place and in proper proportions.

Loren M. Lambert © December 20, 2013

Imagine Demons

Great group with tendentious songs, "Imagine Demons," has been asked to entertain at the "New Years US Congressional Ball." The reps love them, they stand, sway and lip sync and mimic and air guitar in all their songs--"Sleeper Liberal," "You Are an Ass, I am Your Island," "I Carry a Bigger Pac," "While You are Lame, I Love You Because You Give Me Someone to Blame," and my favorite, "There's An Elephant in My Soup."

Loren M. Lambert © December 29, 2012

Road to Hell

The road to hell is paved by good intentions and is traveled on by those with good reflections. So I guess liberals build the highways and conservatives travel them.

Loren M. Lambert © December 28, 2012

Bathrooms

We individually inherit the bathroom whenever we use it, so
if you find a mess or make one, it behooves you to either hide in there until you can leave without anyone noticing your exit, or, if not left to hideous upon entering, leave it like you would want to find it. A good rule for many things we encounter--that's why I get invited on car rides or to be a house guest all the time--heck some people even beg me to use their bathroom or try to get me to guzzle liquids as soon as I visit.

Loren M. Lambert © December 28, 2012

In Defense of the Defenseless

I am wary of inserting what I believe is a voice of reason regarding a crime so disruptive to all of our sense of well being and so violent and devastating. Yet I must. I understand the equity and justification of charging criminal accomplices under the felony-murder rule and pursuant to aiding and abetting principles for the heinous acts of their partners in crime, yet these laws have always struck me as being unjust and heavy handed in some situations. They are principles that should be applied with great restraint and exercised wisdom because there are circumstances when truly all parties to a crime, though technically culpable for acts of the group, are not justifiably guilty.

In this case seventeen year old Meagan Grunwald of Draper is being charged as an adult for the murder of Sgt. Cory Wride and the attempted murder of Deputy Greg Sherwood in Utah County. This is despite the fact that it was her 27 year old boy friend, Jose Angel Garcia-Juaregui, who welded the gun and shot these men.

The reason given is because Ms. Grunwald was allegedly an active participant in the murders. This is because she "already put her pickup truck into drive several minutes . . . waited until there was no traffic around" before her boyfriend shot the men and because she "stayed with [her boyfriend] when she had several chances to runaway."

This reminds me of another reluctantly famous Utah teen who probably had a more enriching family experience, greater intelligence and more sound foundation than Ms. Grunwald. Yet this famous Utahan also found it difficult to runaway from a brutal man when "she had several chances" to do so. It is also telling that Ms. Grunwald is pregnant with the murderer's child. She was therefore statutorily raped by him just as Elizabeth Smart was raped by her captor. What emotional turmoil and conflict did this cause Ms. Grunwald?

While I admittedly do not have all the details that may show greater culpability, I know as an attorney and a human being that has represented and talked to numerous women in such situations that it is most likely that this young woman was subjected to extreme coercion and duress.

Still let me hasten to say that I am very sorry for the two officers and their families and am angered at this horrendous crime against all of us. I just hope that if the facts so demonstrate that there might be room for the understanding and possibility that this teen may also be very much a victim of this brutal man and may also merit our compassion.

Loren M. Lambert © February 20, 2014

Debunking the Global Warming Myth One Ice Cube at A Time

A new study indicates that during the last twenty years, due to refrigeration technology and mass production, the ice supply for American households have exponentially increased the availability of ice so that if you lined up all the ice cubes end to end you could have an ice-chilled martini or Koolaid all the way to the moon and back again. Or, even better, you could make several hundred ice huts for the dwindling polar bear population. This ice makes up for all the alleged glacier losses around the world.

Loren M. Lambert © February 20, 2014