If you care about all that we hold dear in this great nation of freedom and do not heed my words, I guarantee that the progress we have made as a nation in over two centuries will be squandered away in less than a decade. I’m talking about a scourge that is more dire than all the drugs, sex and unfettered-cartoon watching put together. Moreover, it’s spreading rapidly across the nation. If left unchecked and not completely reversed, this nation will soon be populated with a generation of pussy-footed, uninitiated men and vulgar, sweaty women. Have you guessed yet? That’s right, I was appalled to recently learn from my own baggy-pant-
wearing son, and confirmed this with several fellow parents with teens that kids don’t have to shower after gym. Hence, thousands of teens across the nation are leaving their gym classes sticky, sweaty and dripping with day-old pore-expressed pheromones. It should make you shudder in horror.
And why? Think for a moment. When you’re in an elevator, sitting in the sauna, taking the bus, or at a concert what do you care more about--that the person next to you knows how to breakdown a sentence or that he or she bathed. Moreover, how many memories do you have from your high school science, English and geography classes? Now, how many memories do you have from showering after your gym classes? See my point. While our children will quickly forget their ninth grade math class, they will never forget and always cherish the lick of that wet towel on their bare rear. Yes, there’s nothing quite like the fear, exhilaration, embarrassment, and growth they experience washing their morphing bodies in the company of their fellow classmates. Fact is, kids learn more about physiology, psychology, physics, etc. during the ten minutes of towel flipping, butt slapping, and youthful exuberance of showering after their gym classes than all the other time in school. But more important, they learn the proper use of water, soap and deodorant before entering the work force. Let’s not deprive them of this important adolescent ritual.
I therefore urge you, don’t vote for anyone that isn’t willing to make showering in our schools a legislative priority.
Loren M. Lambert
October 31, 2002
