It’s Difficult To Write Negative Poems When I Feel So Positive

I have to write two, short, bitter, negative, angst-laden slam poems for my screenplay. However, all you positive posters out there have influenced me too much. I've been so positive, lately, it's hard to get into the mood.

But, I'm getting there.

Loren M. Lambert © March 2, 2014

Jesus at Starbucks (“From a very brilliant, forward-thinking friend of mine, Loren Lambert. A beautiful perspective.” ~ Susan McCarty)

After my post, I took the opportunity to sit down with Jesus at Starbucks. He came in disguise, wearing a Johnny Wier-designed androgynous outfit.  He sported dreadlocks in his hair, “HATE” and “LOVE” tattoos on his hands, and a gold ring in his nose. He was quick to tell me that it wasn’t necessarily His style, but it was the best “get-up” for Salt Lake City.

Besides, He said, He didn’t want to freak out the Mormons who came to Starbucks for their morning coffee when they noticed Him there, drinking his favorite espresso with white, chocolate-flavored sauce and steamed milk, topped with sweetened whipped cream. He didn’t want them to have an excuse to let go of their guilt. He said it would be unfair. He told me that there is nothing better than guilt to put a bigger taste edge on something. He also remarked that I shouldn’t get any ideas since, as an immortal, He could eat or drink anything.

After the usual small talk about world penguin populations, free-range assisted living patients, and the Oscars, He invited me to pop the question: Would He bake a cake or build a theater set for a gay couple?

He smiled. He told me that he wasn’t going to let me off that easy and insisted I tell Him what Loren would do. I said that what I did wasn’t the point. It’s whether or not southern Baptist Bob, who had a public business of baking wedding cakes, should have to bake a cake for a gay couple.

He still insisted: What would Loren do?

I told Him I was a lawyer and felt that since the good taxpayers had helped provide a wonderful education, court system, and a secure society that had allowed me to become a lawyer, and to make a living providing a public service for those who needed my help in the courts, I wouldn’t turn away anyone whether they were black, female, Baptist, gay, or even claimed to be Jesus Christ. In fact, I told Him that Jesus Christ came in my office needing legal services just ten years ago, but that unlike him, this Jesus looked like a homeless man.

“And ...?” He asked.

I said, “Sure, if I offered a different public service, like baking cakes, I’d do the same. But that’s what I, Loren, would do.  However, should Baptist Bob have to do it?”  I asked, “Isn’t that a private matter?”

Jesus then took a big sip of his espresso, smiled, and asked, “Was it a private matter when the Missourians would not sell goods or property to your Mormon ancestors? Was it a private matter when hotels and restaurants wouldn't conduct business with blacks? Was it a private matter when Jews fleeing Nazi Germany were turned away and sent back to sure death? Would it have been a private matter if the reason there was no room for Mary to have a place to rest and give birth was because she had a child out of wedlock?”

“No,” I answered.

After a long pause, He said, “I don’t think that Jesus – at least not this Jesus – will condemn any person from engaging in commerce that provides food, shelter, clothing, work, healing, dignity, respect, equal protection, and even joy to all, whether in a cake, a movie set, or a beautiful song.” He then emphasized that it would serve us well to do so, even to those who are viewed by some as less worthy or less righteous.

“So . . .?” I asked.

Without looking at me, He then mentioned how wonderful life’s diversity is, because it puts to the test our ability to be decent and humane, and that if we served only those who we think deserved it, we would be no better than the most vile of beings. Then, He polished off His espresso, winked, and said goodbye.

Loren M. Lambert © March 4, 2014

Thankful For Clothing

Be thankful for modern clothing and the modesty that it so charitably provides by sparing us from the horrors of receding youth, and its pull upon our illusions of lingering virility and beauty.

Loren M. Lambert © March 9, 2014

Being Part of a Profession

Sometimes support comes from sources that you least expect. I have an ally that I never would have imagined.

This ally restores my faith in the professionalism of some who understand that when the heat of the battle subsides, we move on as fellow sojourners who are all striving to play our part as well as we can. Although not perfect, and while our zeal may at times give us an edge, our hearts are true and rein us in.

Loren M. Lambert © March 7, 2014

Buried Truth

Sometimes the truth is buried beneath the misguided belief that no one will believe it unless it comes decked out in high heels, a red dress, and a stunning makeover.

Loren M. Lambert © March 4, 2014

I Think Too Much

I think I should relent while struggling on.

I think I should eat more, or less, protein.

I think I am a long-haired man with a short-haired job.

I think I must know the unknowable,

I think my ability and joy are stifled by my thoughts.

I think I don’t and I do, and I think I do and I don’t. 

I think it is and it’s not, and it’s not and it is. 

I think the many see simplicity, I think complicity.

They think they’re right, I think God’s not even right. 

I think I like too much, I think I like too little. 

I think the grass is never greener anywhere, or it is as green as it ever was.

I think there’s too much fertilizer, herbicide, insecticide, driving, putting, mowing

and not enough “ignoble-izing.”

I think I am broken.

I think I am beyond being fixed, 

I think there’s no time to be fixed, 

I think I wouldn’t like being fixed. 

I think once fixed,

I would need being broken. 

I think I like being broken, 

I think everyone is broken.

I think people who don’t think too much

are to be led, 

are to be admired, 

are to be rich, 

are to lead people who think even less.

I think I cannot love.

I think love is lost.

I think I am lost love. 

I think love is a fantasy, 

and therefore I think I may have loved.

I think bullshit is infinite,

I think the infinite is bullshit.

I think the unthoughtful monetize bullshit into infinity.

I think that my wants cannot be met, 

I think I want to try to satiate my unattainable wants.

I think I should change so I do not want, 

I think I like to want. 

I think I am inescapably trapped. 

I think I think myself into thinking I am escaping.

I think I can’t get there where I am here at this time. 

I think I never found my lost way, 

I think the truthfulness of my lies ingrained themselves into the sincerity of my soul. 

I think I am famous because I am noticed by others to be irrelevant. 

I think that when you have finally thought it, the brass is beyond its ability to resound it. 

I think we all think there is no other way to think, at least that’s how I would think you think.

I think when I thought I wanted to be liked, the very thought pushed it beyond my reach. 

I think the minute I thought I needed to follow my instincts and my heart, I was forever incapable of following my instincts and my heart.

I think wombats never worry about writing a novel. 

I think squirrels never worry about who is the president.

And I think mosquitoes never worry about having a balanced breakfast. 

I think I liked every class I took in college and thereby hated them all. 

I think “every complex problem has a simple solution that is invariably wrong.” 

And, I think about the merits of unraveling tissue and how to squeeze the toothpaste.

I think too much.

Loren M. Lambert © January 28, 2014

Blame It On Basketball

Guided by the pewter prophets,

with far-from-innocent eyes,

pointing toward a promised land.

Not a mean fibre in my body, until basketball. 

Not an exclusive gene in my pocket, until submerging. 

How did the card-carrying member of the mutual admiration society 

go so far, so wrong, so beyond human touch.

Pulled between the visceral and the supernal,

far beyond synchronicity. 

With the end always in mind

Blessings bestowed as delicate tortures.

Paying forward the pain, long before requited

then by deception retracted on 

an irresistible path to repay 

the leavings of the 

completely loved out, 

smooth-soothing slash,

slicing thin as slivered ice

filled beyond the brim,

flamed out of all value 

in an underwater vault

buried beneath without remorse.

Yet, prostate with gratitude 

for nerves laid bare before the alter,

to be offered up into oblivion,

until nothing is left but to surrender

to a hate that has to be as large as the hurt

of the memory of all lost love

to fashion a cradle of forgetfulness, 

to bury at the beginning, 

to have never loved, 

to have never been tender.

With the mornings first light

among the strewn and dismembered,

a detached hand raises to implore,

wishing to then be gathered in.

Loren M. Lambert © February 14, 2014

Civil Rights Laws and the "Protected Classes" To Which They Pertain

Every individual, regardless of creed, race, national origin, sex, color, age, disability, and yes, even sexual orientation, should strive within a system in which all have the opportunity to excel based on merit. I emphasize opportunity – not right, not entitlement, and not a preference. All benefit when we live in such a system, because the best in such a system will invariably rise to the top and lead us.

The term, "protected class," is unfortunate, because its legal meaning bears no resemblance to its common meaning. Under our laws, "protected classes" such as sex, race, etc. are not shielded from the exigencies of competition, nor are they exempt from the rules to which we all must adhere.  It simply means that when adverse action is taken against them, merely due to their race, sex, etc., they have recourse in a court of law. The law does not favor one sex, race, or "protected class" over another. White police officers and fire fighters have asserted their rights under those same laws and prevailed.

I am not so naive to think this reality vitiates many of your disagreements with these laws, however, it puts the discussion on track about the real issues. I believe human nature is such that without such laws, people devolve into cabals and antagonistic factions like those with which I became familiar in the Ukraine, in other divisive world regions, and which existed (and, in places, persists) in the South before the passage of civil rights laws ending Jim Crow, etc.

Many think human nature is such that it does not matter how much power, wealth, fame, and influence someone acquires, and that because someone earned these things by his/her own merit (often true), they will make the right decisions and act in the best interest of all of society, instead of their own.

My experience has taught me that this is, unfortunately, not true. Due to the petty weakness of human nature, some protections are needed. The rich, powerful, and famous (though more fortunate or more clever and able than many) still suffer from the same shortcomings and are no different than the ancient kings and queens of Europe, who caused so much misery when they set themselves above the rule of law.

How civil rights laws are now implemented is a whole different subject. Never forget that when Caucasians are in the minority a 100 years from now, all of us whities might really appreciate our civil rights laws.

Loren M. Lambert © March 1, 2014

Nature's Confessions

Dear God,

I have sinned. It was due to no fault of my own, nevertheless, it was still a sin, for I gave the valley of the Great Salt Lake a spring day at the tail end of winter.

Loren M. Lambert © February 25, 2014

Funeral Viewing – Looking at Death

I attended the funeral of a good neighbor, today. He was a family man and devoted husband who had experienced a full life. He displayed cantankerousness and also a good sense of humor, and he liked making candy.  I want to remember him alive.

I stayed at the back of the viewing. For some reason, emotionally, viewings creep me out more and more. I get this sense of doom and they just seem weird to me. The deceased do not look good to me. They look dead. I don't want to look at death.

With all our technology, maybe a multimedia show depicting the image, voice, personal effects and video clips of the deceased would be more enriching (like those wedding videos).

Loren M. Lambert © February 21, 2014

In Defense of the Defenseless

I am wary of inserting what I believe is a voice of reason regarding a crime so violent, devastating, and disruptive to all of our sense of well-being. Yet, I must. I understand the equity and justification of charging criminal accomplices under the felony-murder rule, and pursuant to aiding and abetting principles for the heinous acts of their partners in crime, yet these laws have always struck me as being unjust and heavy-handed in some situations. They are principles that should be applied with great restraint and exercised wisdom, because there are circumstances when truly all parties to a crime, though technically culpable for acts of the group, are not justifiably guilty.

In this case, seventeen-year-old Meagan Grunwald, of Draper, is being charged as an adult for the murder of Sgt. Cory Wride, and the attempted murder of Deputy Greg Sherwood, in Utah County. This is despite the fact that it was her 27-year-old boyfriend, Jose Angel Garcia-Juaregui, who welded the gun and shot these men.

          The reason given for her charges is because Ms. Grunwald was an active participant in the murders. She allegedly "already put her pickup truck into drive several minutes . . . waited until there was no traffic around" before her boyfriend shot the men. Apparently, she "stayed with [her boyfriend] when she had several chances to runaway."

This reminds me of another reluctantly famous Utah teen, Elizabeth Smart, who probably had a more enriching family experience, greater intelligence, and more sound foundation than Ms. Grunwald. However, this famous Utahan also found it difficult to runaway from a brutal man when "she had several chances" to do so. It is also telling that Ms. Grunwald is pregnant with the murderer's child. She was, therefore, statutorily raped by him, just as Elizabeth Smart was raped by her captor. What emotional turmoil and conflict did this cause Ms. Grunwald?

While I admittedly do not have all the details that may show greater culpability, I know, as an attorney and a human being who has represented and talked to numerous young women in such situations, that it is most likely this young woman was subjected to extreme coercion and duress.

Still, let me hasten to say that I am very sorry for the two officers and their families, and I am angered at this horrendous crime against all of us. I just hope that if the facts so demonstrate, there might be room for the understanding and possibility that this teen may also be very much a victim of this brutal man and may also merit our compassion.

Loren M. Lambert © February 20, 2014

Debunking the Global Warming Myth, One Ice Cube at A Time

A new study indicates that during the last twenty years, due to refrigeration technology and mass production, the ice supply for American households has exponentially increased the availability of ice so that if you lined up all the ice cubes end-to-end, you could enjoy an ice-chilled martini or Kool-Aid all the way to the moon and back again. Even better, you could make several hundred ice huts for the dwindling polar bear population.

This ice makes up for all the alleged glacier losses around the world.

Loren M. Lambert © February 20, 2014

What Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong

“What Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong” is a concept that planners use to create systems and to design products so that problems that can be anticipated are prevented before they occur. As a simple example: In my office, a prior employee of mine kept leaving an envelope-printing apparatus disengaged from its storage position in such a manner that every time I saw it, I thought, “That is going to get damaged” (it was in the line of travel past the copier). Sure enough, what can go wrong did. Now, after having replaced it, I make sure that no one leaves it in that position.

What people don’t realize is that the same principle applies to laws. Most of our laws are set up to anticipate what we know about human nature. Some misguided people think that themselves, certain groups, certain religions, or certain governments don’t need checks and balances or certain legal constraints because they are somehow more enlightened or more perfect than others. This is folly. If the laws are so weak that the NSA can violate our rights, it will violate them. If individuals or businesses are not prohibited from discriminating based on sexual orientation, sex, race, etc., they will so discriminate. If a government, business, or individual is allowed to exercise absolute unchecked power with no checks and balances on the way that power is used, it will be abused regardless of the person or persons involved.

We have a relatively free and just country not because there is something inherently or genetically wonderful about us, but because of the legal systems that we have set up, covenanted to follow, and venerate.

Loren M. Lambert © February 10, 2014

Being Large Does Not Have Special Privileges

If you are one of those large flyers, please, at least lean over and fully fill up the space either into the aisle or over by the window, before you feel you have a right to spill over into my space on the plane. Just because you are large and I am thin doesn't mean you get to ooze over into my seat.

On a happier note, I ate at a restaurant attached to the Best Western, in Tucson, and got served by one of the nicest kids – a young black male who just impressed me as someone really genuine and special. So refreshing!

Loren M. Lambert © February 3, 2014

J. Reuben Clark Law Society: Bruce C. Hafen Talks on Traditional Marriage

I attended a talk by Bruce C. Hafen, Quorum of the Seventy, Emeritus, on traditional marriage. He discussed how traditional marriage is a societal interest that must be balanced against individual interest so that a man and woman become equal partners in an interdependent relationship. (Except in passing, he did not discuss gay marriage, etc.)

Frankly, I agree with the concept and ideal of marriage. He spoke of its core meaning and ideal, which represents a man and a woman joined together to form a union based on love, duty, dedication, commitment, honor, and sacrifice. He expressed that such a union provides a foundation that exponentially benefits its offspring and thereby all of society. This rings true to my heart.

He spoke of the cultural currents in the law and general mores that are distractions to this concept of marriage. I also think there is some merit to these observations, because it is a tricky thing striking balance between individual liberty and societal responsibility to something bigger than ourselves.

However, what I think needs to be realized is that while we may have modified the law to accommodate the realities of human nature, and perhaps have diminished this institution, we also have, unnecessarily, festooned upon civil marriage, privileges that have nothing to do with love, duty, dedication, commitment, honor, and sacrifice, but have merely created inequalities that were detrimental to the aspirations of others. Furthermore, relationships based on love, duty, dedication, commitment, honor, and sacrifice are not necessarily exclusive to Elder Hafen's concept of traditional marriage.

For this reason, if the religious want to save their concept of marriage, then it should be an institution wholly ceded to religion. Let the religious celebrate it and endow it with the meaning it preaches it is due, and let government provide civil unions to all who desire them.

Elder Hafen also quoted statistics on marriage and divorce rates. What puzzles me about such statistics is I'm not sure how those statistics can show a direct correlation with what actually happens between the two people – either to those married, those divorced, and those who choose a common law marriage without the sanction of the government over their union.

Elder Hafen also intimated that there was some golden age of marriage. My question is: When was it, and where?

Loren M. Lambert © February 2, 2014

Pay-It-Forward Initiative

Just so you know my heart, I will tell you:  It's grouchy, and I usually don't like the stuff people post on Facebook and then tell you to send to ten other people. However, a former employee (whose father is a well-known and very successful appellate attorney), who did great things for my office, inspired my following sentiment. To honor her, here it goes:

To start this year in a loving way, I'm participating in a pay-it-forward initiative: The first five people who comment on this status, by  writing, "I'm in!" will receive a surprise (i.e., a book or ticket to something homegrown or made; a postcard; absolutely any surprise) from me at some point during this calendar year. There will be no warning, and it will happen when the mood comes over me and I find something I believe would suit you and make you happy.

These five people must make the same offer in their FB status. Copy this text to your profile (don't share) so we can form a web of connection and kindness.

Let's do more loving things for each other in 2014, without any reason other than to make people smile and show that we think of each other. Here's to a more enjoyable, more friendly, and love-filled year!

Lots of love!

(For the five of you who are first, please message me privately with your contact info so I can fulfill my commitment.)

Loren M. Lambert © January 26, 2014

I Was Famous For Five Seconds!

Today, I was famous for five seconds to a few people who didn’t know any better! Nonetheless, it was fun!

The real famous people (although they certainly have earned it) are still famous for a lot more than five minutes to millions of people who don’t know any better than be too overwhelmed by fame.

Regardless, this fame is still very cool!         

Loren M. Lambert © January 24, 2014

Cottonwood Theater

Humans are all so amazing at such a young age.

I attended Cottonwood High School’s theater/drama program, tonight. Sweet program! No, not everyone was perfect. Many have several years to grow into their best, but all were sincere, all were earnest, and all were genuine and full of enthusiasm. I loved it!

Once again, I'm reminded about what's best about our country. God bless freedom and a system that can truly allow the many – no matter their circumstances – the opportunity to bring their best.

Loren M. Lambert © January 24, 2014

Fish or People? People or Fish?

John Boehner, R-Ohio, supports a California drought plan that puts people before fish.

Sen. Mark Begich, D-Alaska, has come out against a proposed multi-billion-dollar mine near the headwaters of two major Bristol Bay salmon streams – a rare stand by a political leader in a state where the mining industry has rarely been questioned. He thinks it more important not to destroy a “renewable resource” in the rush to extract a “non-renewable resource.”

Who’s right? Do we eat fish? Yes. Do we need oil? Yes. Which do we need the most? Will it be bad if we kill the fish to get the oil? Yes. Is it a choice between the two? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. So, whose right? Do we err on the side of killing fish and getting resources, or err on the side of saving fish?

My vote is for fish, if they are really tasty or involve mermaids. I say oil, if it’s really shiny and keeps my pills in nice bottles.

Loren M. Lambert © January 22, 2014

Beware of Recycle Bins – Very Dangerous

Now, for the most important news of the evening: Who would have thought retrieving the empty recycle bin from the curb could break your toe? Not  I!

One broken toe later, I say, be cautious around those buggers! Now you have another excuse to leave such chores for the kids.

Loren M. Lambert © January 21, 2014

Another Vice Burdens My Event Horizon

With the sun rising up in the morning sky, the moon taking its bow in the same, I realized another big burden I've given my life: I see too much.

So much beauty! There has to be a consequence.

Can one take it all in, day after day, week after week, year after year, and never think there is no price to pay? It all enthralls me, its saps me, it takes me in:

Every slow, burgeoning, full-of-promise dawn; every varied, newly minted, second-by-second sunset; every cloud-draped, dappled mountain; every dazzling dancing chromatic-enshrined creature; every child’s beaming, full-of-hope-wonder-and-promise face; every resilient, anxious, undaunted, energy-packed, see-no-barriers teen; every slinking, sensuous woman strutting the confidence of her intelligently sculpted brick house; every rippling, raw, visceral male pounding out his presence; and every sacred wild place of water, stone, weather, wind, flora, fauna, fire, ice, and light.

It effuses my every synapse, pore, and fiber. It brings purpose to every bead of sweat, beat of my heart, and gulp of water. It stops me in my tracks, it drops me to my knees, it tears up my eyes, it propels me into uttering this insuppressible prayer – that I am small, that I am nothing, that I am fleeting, but that I, too, am forever great for what I have been fortunate to be a part of, to have taken it all in with these two gifts, these always inquisitive and irrepressible eyes.

So, what is the price? I have been told, taught, and warned that such an all-encompassing addiction has to have its consequence. I fear the reckoning, for I am sight’s lowliest slave, for I cannot quench the thirst of these eyes. I see too much, too far, too close, and too wide.

Yes, I am addicted to sight. God forgive me this trespass for my desire to let nothing of beauty escape these eyes.

Loren M. Lambert © January 21, 2014

People Who Ask to Be Run Over

I beg you all, I urge you, I plead on bent knee with my arms reaching out beseechingly: When it’s dark (and especially when every stitch of your clothing is dark), do not walk halfway over a busy road into the medium left-hand turning strip to wait. With opposing traffic buzzing by you, sooner or later, you will get run over.

I almost got to see that tonight (with someone in dark hair, dress, and dark leggings). It would not have been pretty.

It's not worth it. Either go to the crosswalk, or wait until you can cross entirely over the street so you don't have to pose in the middle.

Loren M. Lambert © January 20, 2014

I am An Addict

I finally realized, I breathe too much. I am addicted. I breathe more than my fair share, I breath too often, I breathe too deeply, and it's time to restore balance.

I resolve to breathe less. I apologize for all of the pain I have caused, due to my breathing addiction. I now look back on all those parties, meetings, and evenings out when I embarrassed my loved ones, offended my friends, and made an ass of myself with all that breathing, sometimes even with my mouth open for several minutes at a time.

I had to plunge to the bottom before I could accept it. I just can't live like this anymore. I checked myself into a rat-infested, garbage-laden, musty, dank, hell hole, next to the Steri-Cycle incinerator, where you can't breath deeply, or rapidly, without retching. I have to keep a mask over my mouth and nose. It's liberating. I already can see the way back.

Hopefully soon, I will rejoin the world of calm, placid, shallow breathers and thereby relinquish, to a new generation, several of the large Redwoods that supply me with air each year.

Please forgive me, and know that I love you all.

Loren M. Lambert © January 20, 2014

A Consumer-Based Economy Is Not Wealth

Chris Martenson, of Peak Prosperity, indicates, as I have also said, that we cannot continually rely upon a consumer-based economy that counts on everything always getting bigger (i.e., bigger populations, bigger homes, bigger GDP, bigger deficits, more speculation). It is unsustainable. It is not wealth. Wealth is a healthy, robust environment. Wealth is a well-educated and healthy population. Money is an illusion. You all know that, right? The captains of the economy manipulate it, at our expense.

We need an education- and value-based economy. Spend money on learning, until the day you die. Spend money on increasing the value of the things with which you surround yourselves: your home, your land, your community, your state, and your nation.

Loren M. Lambert © January 19, 2014

Can’t Wait for My New Adventure!

Two nights ago, I was being chased by a giant monitor lizard (I got away safely!). Last night, I was flying in Arizona and marveling at how beautiful a water-treatment plant and a toy factory looked from the air. Can't wait for my new adventure!

Loren M. Lambert © January 17, 2014

Hello, Yoga! It’s Been A While and I Love You

For the past two years, after experiencing minor bilateral shoulder surgery and sciatica, and doing some yoga on my own, I haven't been to a yoga class. Finally, I went to a yoga class today. Here's what I love about yoga:

After yoga, I feel like I have just participated in some extreme, dangerous, crazy sport, when the most distressing thing I had to experience was not having my own mat and wondering who the last person was who did “Child's Pose” or “Dying Roadkill Pose” on my communal mat.

The following example describes how I feel in yoga, instead of engaging in other workouts:

If earthworms exercised and simply did a plank between two rocks, they would get all the same benefits, without the considerably high chance of death. that they faced if they acted as earthworm Jim, sprinting down the sidewalk for half a block to risk: 1) trampling, 2) sun-scorch, 3) asphalt ass-burn, 4) Robin-depredation, 5) dehydration, 6) being picked up for hook duty as fish bait, or 7) wearing out all their cartilage.

Yoga also allows me to have that same sensation I felt back in high school, after a wrestling work out: the euphoria of to-the-max, exercised-induced nausea.

However, unlike high school wrestling, where a bunch of brooding, sweaty, grunting men surrounded me, I can pretend that a few attractive females in the yoga room are admiring my warrior pose.

Lastly, even though I know competition is anathema in yoga, I can’t help but notice that there is always at least some much younger, well-built guy whose legs are popping more than mine, and who is falling out of poses sooner than I do.

Thank you, yoga. I love you. With you, all things are possible again.

Loren M. Lambert © January 14, 2014

Step Into My Consultation Shower

I was at Gold's Gym, stepping out of the shower about to dry off when this Russian gentleman I know started to ask me a legal question.

Now, there is a time and place to ask your neighborhood attorney a legal question, and it just may not be when he is dripping wet and naked. I would make an exception for some, under such circumstances, but I had to tell him to please call my office, or at least wait until I was dressed.

I don't know, was I too harsh?

Loren M. Lambert © January 13, 2014

Erring in Favor of Misery

In a GRAMA request, I obtained documents from the Labor Commission regarding the selection of doctors to sit on medical panels to stand in judgment of persons with workers’ compensation injuries.

It bore out my concerns. It appears that the Labor Commission conducts its interviews and screens doctors in a way to eliminate any physicians who are viewed as "patient friendly," or who are viewed as too liberal. There is no effort to eliminate doctors who are too conservative or too “insurance friendly.” The system errs in favor of misery. I want a system that is not so obviously one-sided.

Also, there are an equal number of female and male physicians who apply to perform this service, but there are very few female physicians who are selected. I'm not sure what this means. That statistic, standing alone, does not mean that there is discrimination. There may be other explanations (e.g., more females declined to participate and I may not have all of the information), but it is troubling.

There is always so much media attention about allegations of people scamming the system, which provides benefits for disability or injuries. This should not be surprising. I have seen it myself. But it is rare. There will always be those who try to get something for nothing or when they don’t deserve it, whether in obtaining government contracts to provide services and products, working for the government, or requesting benefits (or for the private sector).

On the other side of the ledger, there is hardly ever any media attention given when the system unfairly denies government contracts, employment, or entitlements. As human beings, we should be just as disconcerted. Does it happen? Yes. My anecdotal belief, based on my own experience, is that it happens more often than there is fraud – but you won't see undercover investigations about that. Nobody cares.

As an attorney who provides services to the underclass, the under-trodden, and the desperate, we should not be so quick to err in favor of misery. We should understand that some will be undeserving, but we need to still be compassionate, yet vigilant. When vigilance uncovers fraud, let’s take care of it quickly, while still, when uncertain, giving our fellow brothers and sisters the benefit of the doubt.

Loren M. Lambert © January 13, 2014

You Never "Earn" Disability

Even when I think the circumstances, facts, opinions, and proof merit granting disability to a person under SSDIB, SSI, LTD, or Workers’ Compensation, I am always alarmed when people say they "have earned" the right to disability.

A word of advice to anyone struggling with physical or mental health conditions who are making it difficult to work: Find employment or support yourself.  Never tell the doctor, judge, or anyone that you “earned” disability.

You don't “earn” it. You are forced into it by circumstances beyond your control. Even if it’s true – that you “earned” it (if that is your attitude) – it is wrong-headed thinking and it communicates the wrong message.

Loren M. Lambert © January 12, 2014

I Am For Reasonable Labor and Environmental Laws and Against Unilaterally Handicapping U.S. Industry with the Same (Under the Spirit of Marriage Equality, Let’s “Marry” Them!)

Currently, there a push to protect the U.S. fishing industry from foreign competitors because our brave men and women, who work in one of the most dangerous industries, have to comply with fishing regulations. While these regulations exponentially reduce by-catch (dolphins, whales, turtles, etc.), and also protect over-depleted fish stock (cod, anchovies, sole), they diminish their commercial catch, increase their expenses, and reduce their product base. Their foreign competitors do not follow such regulations and are thereby pushing out our fellow country men and women from business. This is the same death that many other U.S. industries have suffered.

This is why, years ago in law school, I stated in a paper of mine that if we want our industries to comply with cost-adding environmental laws and labor laws, we should work to slightly “even the playing field” and establish that in critical industries like these, foreign competitors must comply with at least some bare minimum labor and environmental laws that have some semblance to what our businesses must comply with.

I say, certify foreign fishing competitors that comply with the commercial fishing regulations our compatriots follow, and thereby save American fisheries, U.S. fishing trawler businesses, and our dignity. Then, work to give some other U.S. industries a rebirth – like textiles and garments.

Loren M. Lambert © January 10, 2014

Glen Beck Show Duped It "Fat and Furious"

It is entertaining to watch all the conservative political pundits’ heads explode, implode, or become so many nearly-headless-Nicks (the ghost in Harry Potter’s “Hogwarts”), wetting themselves in so many creative ways over the Governor Chris Christie debacle.

Too bad for Governor Christie – one of the few Republicans who seemed to be an authentic, although at times, acerbic voice.

As I do for both the left and the right, I will wait to pass judgment. At least he contains some fire in his heart and is not fat and fatuous like Glen Beck, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh.

Loren M. Lambert © January 9, 2014

The Concept of Marriage

While procreation, in balance, may be vital to our propagation as a species – and therefore one important aspect of many marriages – civility, equality, mutual respect, and decency are vitally important to our survival, both individually and as a society. 

I still see that this is what the concept of marriage was made to celebrate.

Loren M. Lambert © January 8, 2014

Short-Track Speed Skating – The Big Guns

I attended short-track Olympic Trials. I know short-track skating is not cheating, but it still seems like cheating.

This is because anything can happen. Sometimes, the racers start really slow, and at the end (unlike in track and field) you can't see the participant’s faces distort as they strain toward the finish.

It was fast! Real fast! So cool to see it.

I saw the team that's going to Sochi.

Loren M. Lambert © January 5, 2014

To a Relationship, Joy is Measured By the Quality of Creation

On NPR’s program, To The Best of our Knowledge, the guest stated that we should honor the wonder of the sun as we turn under it each morning, and then, again, as it departs from us to the shield of darkness. He stated that "[t]o the universe, time is measured by the quality of creation."

That is hard for me to grasp, but I do know that often, to a relationship, joy is measured by the quality of creation.

Find the joy of creativity with your love and companion. Honor him or her with the changing light, when you end the day, and when you greet the morning. In this, there is great power.

Loren M. Lambert © January 4, 2014

League of Denial – Never Underestimate the Corrupting Influence of Money

Radio West re-broadcasted the story about the NFL's complacency and complicity in the brain damage that the sport of football causes. Not that there was anything too surprising about it. I just always figured and assumed that the players knew and understood that you can't take a baseball bat, figuratively speaking, to the human head 1500 times a season and not have any effect. But, they didn't figure that.

The players didn’t know because those put in charge of them (and paid dearly to keep them in play) were in denial: the team doctors. Never underestimate the power of money to corrupt – whether its politics, law, business, medicine, banking, newscasting, etc. Pay people to support a position and they will find a way to do it.

I guess common core needs to add the study of the tobacco, NFL, and oil industry experts, who are paid to back them up, to keep their pocketbooks backed up with bucks.

Loren M. Lambert © January 3, 2014

New Fruit

Over the holidays, I instructed my family not to buy candy, and for the first time, I didn't buy any for anyone. Sorry.

I did buy fruit. Not just any fruit, but some new fruit I hadn't tried before: Dragon Fruit. Dragon Fruit gives a very beautiful and interesting flavor – kind of sweet and slightly spicy, with a mellow, earthy flavor. Its texture is like a firm pudding, and it has white flesh with black specs (almost looked like vanilla bean). 

I also enjoyed the following fruits: persimmons (like a firm melon with orange flesh and a mild sweet flavor, like a blend between a sweet potato and cantaloupe); thorn or spiky melon (orange thorny exterior, green juicy pulp and seeds interior, with a taste of tangy cucumber); red Asian pears, Japanese pears, red bananas, and finger bananas. Then, we had all the usual traditional fruit: mangoes, papayas, oranges, apples, pineapple, raspberries, blueberries, etc. – all very good!  I had to freeze some for smoothies.

In short, it was a fruity Christmas. I highly recommend celebrating life by enjoying the abundance that we have and thereby encouraging a great industry.

Loren M. Lambert © January 2, 2014