I Think Too Much

I think I should relent while struggling on.

I think I should eat more, or less, protein.

I think I am a long-haired man with a short-haired job.

I think I must know the unknowable,

I think my ability and joy are stifled by my thoughts.

I think I don’t and I do, and I think I do and I don’t. 

I think it is and it’s not, and it’s not and it is. 

I think the many see simplicity, I think complicity.

They think they’re right, I think God’s not even right. 

I think I like too much, I think I like too little. 

I think the grass is never greener anywhere, or it is as green as it ever was.

I think there’s too much fertilizer, herbicide, insecticide, driving, putting, mowing

and not enough “ignoble-izing.”

I think I am broken.

I think I am beyond being fixed, 

I think there’s no time to be fixed, 

I think I wouldn’t like being fixed. 

I think once fixed,

I would need being broken. 

I think I like being broken, 

I think everyone is broken.

I think people who don’t think too much

are to be led, 

are to be admired, 

are to be rich, 

are to lead people who think even less.

I think I cannot love.

I think love is lost.

I think I am lost love. 

I think love is a fantasy, 

and therefore I think I may have loved.

I think bullshit is infinite,

I think the infinite is bullshit.

I think the unthoughtful monetize bullshit into infinity.

I think that my wants cannot be met, 

I think I want to try to satiate my unattainable wants.

I think I should change so I do not want, 

I think I like to want. 

I think I am inescapably trapped. 

I think I think myself into thinking I am escaping.

I think I can’t get there where I am here at this time. 

I think I never found my lost way, 

I think the truthfulness of my lies ingrained themselves into the sincerity of my soul. 

I think I am famous because I am noticed by others to be irrelevant. 

I think that when you have finally thought it, the brass is beyond its ability to resound it. 

I think we all think there is no other way to think, at least that’s how I would think you think.

I think when I thought I wanted to be liked, the very thought pushed it beyond my reach. 

I think the minute I thought I needed to follow my instincts and my heart, I was forever incapable of following my instincts and my heart.

I think wombats never worry about writing a novel. 

I think squirrels never worry about who is the president.

And I think mosquitoes never worry about having a balanced breakfast. 

I think I liked every class I took in college and thereby hated them all. 

I think “every complex problem has a simple solution that is invariably wrong.” 

And, I think about the merits of unraveling tissue and how to squeeze the toothpaste.

I think too much.

Loren M. Lambert © January 28, 2014