WIZARD MARCO RUBIO
Good people of Fox. And all you non-tea partiers
and dear miss beautiful and lovely America, I am your Wizard.
I’m sorry about all the murder and mayhem here.
But in that big fat balloon, [he points at Donald Trump]
yes, the one and only Donald Trump,
my dear, America, and I, as the Vice President,
will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum,
where there will be no more crime, terrorism, and murder!
I am about to embark upon a hazardous
journey to get there into the outer stratosphere where I often go
to converse and otherwise hob-nob with my brother Republican wizards.
I hereby decree that until that time -- if any --
that I return, the Scarecrow Jeb Bush, by virtue of
his highly superior brains, shall rule in
my stead...assisted by the Tin Man Mike Huckabee
by virtue of his magnificent heart...and the
Lion Ben Carson-- by virtue of his courage! Obey them
as you would me! And - ah - well, that's all.
Woman
Mr. Wizard man Rubio, you'd better hurry,
the big balloon with peach fuzz hair that glows
and blurs in digital mediums is leaving.
Wizard Marco Rubio and America, along with her little dog, Constitution, tucked in a basket in her hands, jump into Mr. Trump’s ample and fat arms. Constitution sniffs Mr. Trump, growls and bites him and the Wizard, then jumps from America’s basket.
AMERICA
Oh, come back here! Constitution! Eghuu,
and you do stink Mr. Trump.
Donald Trump
You're just not smelling hard enough. Take this...
Trump clasps America harder, squeezing her mammary glands. Screaming, she kicks him where it counts and wriggles free chasing after Constitution.
TIN MAN MIKE HACKABEE
Stop Constitution! Stop!
WIZARD MARCO RUBIO
This is a highly irregular procedure! This
is absolutely unprecedented! Goodbye
America and your little nasty dog Constitution.
AMERICA
Oh! Come back! Don't go without me!
Please come back!
WIZARD MARCO RUBIO
I can't come back! Especially not with your nasty little dog,
Constitution. The Balloon and I don't know how it works!
AMERICA
Oh --
Tin Man Huckabee, Scarecrow Ted Cruz and Lion Ben Carson grope about America -- she speaks.
AMERICA
Give me some space. Please. Oh, now I'll never get home!
LION BEN CARSON
Stay with us, then, AMERICA. We all love
you. We don't want you to go. We’ll keep you save from the other
people here.
AMERICA
Oh, that's very kind of you -- but this
could never be like Kansas, could it? Auntie Em must
have stopped wondering what happened to me
by now. Oh, Scarecrow Cruz, what am I going to
do?
SCARECROW TED CRUZ
Look -- here's someone who can help you!
A big blob is wafting into view and growing bigger until stopping by them all and bursting in a gust of green snot. Within in it, Roger Ailes the Fox TV Good Fairy, appears.
AMERICA
Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
ROGER
You don't need to be helped any longer.
You've always had the power to go back to
Kansas.
Then why didn't you tell her before?
ROGER
Because she wouldn't have believed me. She
had to learn it for herself.
TIN MAN HUCABEE
What have you learned, AMERICA?
AMERICA
To be good and true. To hold tight to my values
of freedom, liberty and equal justice.
And not to look any further than my own
heart. Because if its there, I
never really lost it to begin with! Is
that right?
ROGER
Hell no, what are you thinking, stupid ___________!
It’s “radical Islamist terrorism!” Just say it and get that boy
you call a President to follow along with you.
SCARECROW TED CRUZ
But that's so easy! I already thought
of it for you and said it many times.
TIN MAN HUCKABEE
Yeah, I felt it in my heart. ROGER
No you all didn’t. I did and I had to pound it into
your tiny little head spaces until you got on board.
I made all of you, including the Wizard of Fox,
and that Fat Trump Balloon he left with.
Now, America, some magic words will take you
home in two seconds!
AMERICA
Oh.... and the Constitution too?
ROGER
No. I’ll take care of it. Give it here. Are you ready?
America hands Constitution to Roger who feeds it a Valium and slips a shock collar over its head.
AMERICA
Oh, dear yes -- it's too wonderful to be true!
ROGER
Yes, it is, but shut up and let’s get going.
AMERICA
Oh, goodbye. I love you all, you too, Constitution.
Roger waves Constitution’s paw at America.
ROGER
So close your eyes, and tap your seas together three times.
And say -- "Radical Islamist Terrorism,” three times.
AMERICA
Radical Islamist Terrorism. Tap. Radical Islamist Terrorism. Tap.
Radical Islamist Terrorism. Tap.
The world turns rapidly into a blur. The Witch laughs. Raging storms devastate E Pluribus Unum. Prisons fly by. Torture chambers fly by. The mayhem of war floods the screen. America lands on a bed of newspapers with the headline, America Utters the Words, Radical Islamic Terrorism, in a dilapidated old one room house in a desolate, dust bowl world, surrounded by war and death.
AUNT EM
AMERICA - AMERICA! It's me -- Aunt Em.
Wake up, honey.
AMERICA
-- Radical Islamist Terrorism. Radical Islamist Terrorism,
AUNT EM
AMERICA. AMERICA, dear. It's Aunt Em,
darling.
AMERICA
Oh, Auntie Em -- it's you! AUNT EM
Yes, darling. Why are you here with us in the middle east?
I’m working as a nurse for the wounded soldiers and refugees.
You’ve got quite a bump on your head. And where’s
Constitution?
AMERICA
I left him in the Fairy of Fox’s news’s able hands.
Isn’t this Kansas?
AUNT EM
No.
AMERICA
Aren’t all the terrorists gone? I said the magic words,
AUNT EM
No, no. After tapping your seas together, giving lip service by
thinking magic words are doing something other than declaring war
against all Muslims, we’re in a bit of trouble. You see,
words don’t kill people nor solve problems.
People do both. You just have to decide which you
want to do. And you picked killing everyone.
AMERICA
Oh no. This is bad. AUNT EM
There, there, lie quiet now. You just
had some bad advice and you’re stuck like
we are in the nightmare of our own fears.
Also it so happens, leaving the Constitution to be cared for
by televangelist the Fairy of Fox, turning the country
over to the Wizard of Fox and his Balloon and
that treating everyone like enemies,
even when they have the same enemies and problems
that we do actually makes them our enemies.
Don’t you realize America that you never left home at all?
Fox was part of E Pluribus Unum.
You just shouldn’t have hung out with
Scarecrows, Tin Men and Lions. They aren’t even human.
And listening to Wizards and Hot Air Balloons!!
You think you’d lost your mind.
AMERICA
Oh, no, what do I do now, Auntie Em? AUNT EM
Well that’s going to be a little hard since
we are now at war with everyone, and we have no
Constitution. We’re putting people in concentration camps,
torturing others and our own people, putting them
in prison and the Fairy of Fox News runs everything with
his minions the Wizard, Balloon, Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Lion.
But try this: Thinking for yourself,
believing what you say you do, that all
people deserve respect, love and civil rights.
And start leading instead of reacting out of
proportion when a handful of crazy nuts
try to say that everyone is just like them
either here or on the northern continent of
the E Pluribus Unum. Gets us out of these
wars so we can all go home. And say these magic words
three times. “There are no magic words,
or even beans.”
AMERICA
Okay, thanks Auntie Em. Who knew. You’re
the heart of American! “There are no magic words,
or even beans. There are no magic words,
or even beans. There are no magic words,
or even beans.”
America then woke up and realized that times of crisis test us to see if we give in to fear and our worst natures or allow our principles to guide us.
- Loren M. Lambert © December 7, 2015.
Good people of Fox. And all you non-tea partiers
and dear miss beautiful and lovely America, I am your Wizard.
I’m sorry about all the murder and mayhem here.
But in that big fat balloon, [he points at Donald Trump]
yes, the one and only Donald Trump,
my dear, America, and I, as the Vice President,
will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum,
where there will be no more crime, terrorism, and murder!
I am about to embark upon a hazardous
journey to get there into the outer stratosphere where I often go
to converse and otherwise hob-nob with my brother Republican wizards.
I hereby decree that until that time -- if any --
that I return, the Scarecrow Jeb Bush, by virtue of
his highly superior brains, shall rule in
my stead...assisted by the Tin Man Mike Huckabee
by virtue of his magnificent heart...and the
Lion Ben Carson-- by virtue of his courage! Obey them
as you would me! And - ah - well, that's all.
Woman
Mr. Wizard man Rubio, you'd better hurry,
the big balloon with peach fuzz hair that glows
and blurs in digital mediums is leaving.
Wizard Marco Rubio and America, along with her little dog, Constitution, tucked in a basket in her hands, jump into Mr. Trump’s ample and fat arms. Constitution sniffs Mr. Trump, growls and bites him and the Wizard, then jumps from America’s basket.
AMERICA
Oh, come back here! Constitution! Eghuu,
and you do stink Mr. Trump.
Donald Trump
You're just not smelling hard enough. Take this...
Trump clasps America harder, squeezing her mammary glands. Screaming, she kicks him where it counts and wriggles free chasing after Constitution.
TIN MAN MIKE HACKABEE
Stop Constitution! Stop!
WIZARD MARCO RUBIO
This is a highly irregular procedure! This
is absolutely unprecedented! Goodbye
America and your little nasty dog Constitution.
AMERICA
Oh! Come back! Don't go without me!
Please come back!
WIZARD MARCO RUBIO
I can't come back! Especially not with your nasty little dog,
Constitution. The Balloon and I don't know how it works!
AMERICA
Oh --
Tin Man Huckabee, Scarecrow Ted Cruz and Lion Ben Carson grope about America -- she speaks.
AMERICA
Give me some space. Please. Oh, now I'll never get home!
LION BEN CARSON
Stay with us, then, AMERICA. We all love
you. We don't want you to go. We’ll keep you save from the other
people here.
AMERICA
Oh, that's very kind of you -- but this
could never be like Kansas, could it? Auntie Em must
have stopped wondering what happened to me
by now. Oh, Scarecrow Cruz, what am I going to
do?
SCARECROW TED CRUZ
Look -- here's someone who can help you!
A big blob is wafting into view and growing bigger until stopping by them all and bursting in a gust of green snot. Within in it, Roger Ailes the Fox TV Good Fairy, appears.
AMERICA
Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
ROGER
You don't need to be helped any longer.
You've always had the power to go back to
Kansas.
Then why didn't you tell her before?
ROGER
Because she wouldn't have believed me. She
had to learn it for herself.
TIN MAN HUCABEE
What have you learned, AMERICA?
AMERICA
To be good and true. To hold tight to my values
of freedom, liberty and equal justice.
And not to look any further than my own
heart. Because if its there, I
never really lost it to begin with! Is
that right?
ROGER
Hell no, what are you thinking, stupid ___________!
It’s “radical Islamist terrorism!” Just say it and get that boy
you call a President to follow along with you.
SCARECROW TED CRUZ
But that's so easy! I already thought
of it for you and said it many times.
TIN MAN HUCKABEE
Yeah, I felt it in my heart. ROGER
No you all didn’t. I did and I had to pound it into
your tiny little head spaces until you got on board.
I made all of you, including the Wizard of Fox,
and that Fat Trump Balloon he left with.
Now, America, some magic words will take you
home in two seconds!
AMERICA
Oh.... and the Constitution too?
ROGER
No. I’ll take care of it. Give it here. Are you ready?
America hands Constitution to Roger who feeds it a Valium and slips a shock collar over its head.
AMERICA
Oh, dear yes -- it's too wonderful to be true!
ROGER
Yes, it is, but shut up and let’s get going.
AMERICA
Oh, goodbye. I love you all, you too, Constitution.
Roger waves Constitution’s paw at America.
ROGER
So close your eyes, and tap your seas together three times.
And say -- "Radical Islamist Terrorism,” three times.
AMERICA
Radical Islamist Terrorism. Tap. Radical Islamist Terrorism. Tap.
Radical Islamist Terrorism. Tap.
The world turns rapidly into a blur. The Witch laughs. Raging storms devastate E Pluribus Unum. Prisons fly by. Torture chambers fly by. The mayhem of war floods the screen. America lands on a bed of newspapers with the headline, America Utters the Words, Radical Islamic Terrorism, in a dilapidated old one room house in a desolate, dust bowl world, surrounded by war and death.
AUNT EM
AMERICA - AMERICA! It's me -- Aunt Em.
Wake up, honey.
AMERICA
-- Radical Islamist Terrorism. Radical Islamist Terrorism,
AUNT EM
AMERICA. AMERICA, dear. It's Aunt Em,
darling.
AMERICA
Oh, Auntie Em -- it's you! AUNT EM
Yes, darling. Why are you here with us in the middle east?
I’m working as a nurse for the wounded soldiers and refugees.
You’ve got quite a bump on your head. And where’s
Constitution?
AMERICA
I left him in the Fairy of Fox’s news’s able hands.
Isn’t this Kansas?
AUNT EM
No.
AMERICA
Aren’t all the terrorists gone? I said the magic words,
AUNT EM
No, no. After tapping your seas together, giving lip service by
thinking magic words are doing something other than declaring war
against all Muslims, we’re in a bit of trouble. You see,
words don’t kill people nor solve problems.
People do both. You just have to decide which you
want to do. And you picked killing everyone.
AMERICA
Oh no. This is bad. AUNT EM
There, there, lie quiet now. You just
had some bad advice and you’re stuck like
we are in the nightmare of our own fears.
Also it so happens, leaving the Constitution to be cared for
by televangelist the Fairy of Fox, turning the country
over to the Wizard of Fox and his Balloon and
that treating everyone like enemies,
even when they have the same enemies and problems
that we do actually makes them our enemies.
Don’t you realize America that you never left home at all?
Fox was part of E Pluribus Unum.
You just shouldn’t have hung out with
Scarecrows, Tin Men and Lions. They aren’t even human.
And listening to Wizards and Hot Air Balloons!!
You think you’d lost your mind.
AMERICA
Oh, no, what do I do now, Auntie Em? AUNT EM
Well that’s going to be a little hard since
we are now at war with everyone, and we have no
Constitution. We’re putting people in concentration camps,
torturing others and our own people, putting them
in prison and the Fairy of Fox News runs everything with
his minions the Wizard, Balloon, Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Lion.
But try this: Thinking for yourself,
believing what you say you do, that all
people deserve respect, love and civil rights.
And start leading instead of reacting out of
proportion when a handful of crazy nuts
try to say that everyone is just like them
either here or on the northern continent of
the E Pluribus Unum. Gets us out of these
wars so we can all go home. And say these magic words
three times. “There are no magic words,
or even beans.”
AMERICA
Okay, thanks Auntie Em. Who knew. You’re
the heart of American! “There are no magic words,
or even beans. There are no magic words,
or even beans. There are no magic words,
or even beans.”
America then woke up and realized that times of crisis test us to see if we give in to fear and our worst natures or allow our principles to guide us.
- Loren M. Lambert © December 7, 2015.
No comments:
Post a Comment