Tuesday, May 29, 2012

To Slim Down Our Kids and Make Our School Economically Independent, Turn All Schools Into Multilevel Marketing Companies

According to the high pundits of the pundits and the sanctified critics of the critics, as to human frailty and weakness, or let's just say it, down right depravities, one is insufficiently wise to counsel another on overcoming such failings unless he or she has descended to similar depths of depravity; and, one is not sufficiently vetted to editorialize upon the shortcomings of our public figures or others unless he or she devoid of any character flaws.

Although experience can endow great insight and piety can bestow superior moral gravitas, I do not put stock in either opinion. Nevertheless, both these conscious and often unconscious sentiments give me pause enough to feel compelled to intone this disclaimer. I am not pious enough nor depraved enough to claim the moral superiority of those who deserve our veneration (and I know this is no revelation to many of my friends, family and not-quite-friends who need not verify this); nor have I mapped out the territories of all seven of the deadly sins--but there is still time for both.

Still, as an American, it is my God given right to have an opinion, and to share it with all those who might stumble upon it. With that out of the way, let me further confess that since the end of high school wrestling (for which I engaged in mildly undisciplined weight variances of about 7 pounds), my weight has not varied more that 10 pounds, except for a period of one year when I took a small step toward the slippery slope of nutrition supplements and added creatine to my diet and bulked up 15 lbs, but then stepped away from the brink, when the muscle wasn't worth the disadvantages it accompanied.

So, big flippin' deal. Yet, here's my point. America is one of the fattest countries in the world. Others are trying to catch up. They've seen what we have and they want it. But, some say it's not to be emulated and must be arrested. So they pass laws barring school from serving soda pop during lunch if they want to keep getting federal funds. Then they fine them for doing so (as has occurred in Davis County). Then the school complains, as it should, and points out that the fines will just hurt the kids by losing both the federal funds and the money from the soda pop sales and therefore the school must cut its art and music programs which rely upon these funds (as has been threatened in Davis County).

But isn't there a deeper problem? Why are we so undisciplined that our schools have had to rely upon soda sales to fund its programs? Why don't we just sell crack and have a higher profit margin, as apparently one principal did back east at an elementary school? And why do we always take it out on the music programs, which have been shown to improve math acuity? Any way, back to fat.

Could it be that we are fat because we don't want to spend our money on school programs, we want to spend it on new and improved processed foods and then since we don't want to spend it on school, we think, "hey, I have a great idea, since we're buying all this food, let's just buy it at school and let them have the profit?!" I have a better idea. Let's turn all of our schools into multilevel marketing companies and give our kids an education being obnoxious multi-level-marketers?

Anyway back to fat. Can't we all collectively just exercise some freedom of choice and back away from that unhealthy food, contribute more to our schools, and pull the machines out of them and leave the heavy hand of the law free to police more important things like the upsurge of illegal U turns? Ok, that is enough stream of conscious-William-Faulkner-mumbo-jumbo. And yes, my shoulder is much better.

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