Many would accuse me of being exploitive and unnecessarily sensational for what I’m about to say – and they would be right. However, I couldn’t think of a better analogy.
My psychologist friends would be familiar with this malady: Years ago, a potential client wanted to sue his employer for sexual harassment, and for creating a sexually hostile work environment.
His complaint was that his supervisors and co-workers were almost constantly, without remorse or any sense of circumspection, literally flooding the workplace with graphic and visual depictions of the male genitalia and female mammary glands. To impress upon my mind the vast extent of this prurient depravity, he proceeded to extract (from the triple-layered plastic Wal-mart grocery sacks he substituted for a suitcase and multipurpose filing cabinet) numerous photographs of the offending materials.
While a few photographs seemed (if viewed at a great distance through cataracts) to resemble these less-frequently viewed and most cherished – yet also reviled – body parts, it soon became evident that if this poor soul’s coworker had vomited up a pile of glass shards, or had accidentally crushed an arm in a metal press, he would have envisioned all the sensual carnalities ever imagined by men (and a few women), as well as enough breasts and penises for use by all the world's cosmetic plastic surgeons for time and all eternity, to emulate as worthy models in their Artisian surgeries.
This person’s chronic mental health condition was not unlike the condition that beset the early explorers (mostly male), who started naming all the mountain formations after females and their body parts. One notable example are the Grand Tetons, a French name, which, in English, would be the Grand Tits, or Grand Breasts, or Grand Mammary Glands. (We need to reciprocate and see if one of the French Alps could be named the Grand Tits and see if that sounds as neat to them as the Grand Tetons do to us.)
Just as this past potential client of mine tended to see male genitalia and female mammary glands in all he saw, some of my conservative friends somehow see every idea, comment, or breath from someone who does not bear the Fox News, or Glen Beck, conservative stamp of approval as a leftie conspiracy, to bring upon them the totalitarian apocalypse.
Case in point: I wrote a recent post (below) that was about littering, and it was deemed proof of a leftie conpiracy. Polluting and littering are not leftie, liberal, or progressive issues. It’s littering. It's polluting. Both are forms of theft that steal our money, not in an in-your-face robbery, but an after-the-fact embezzlement. This post concerned three post-pubescent girls littering up Big Cottonwood Canyon. I hate it just as much when I see slobs at Gold’s Gym leave their water bottles, packaging, and used Q-tips on the floor, or when I see those who go to games with their fat (or skinny) spouses and pack of loud (or quiet) brats who leave all their trash behind in the stadium. I go out of my way to pick up trash at Gold’s Gyms and other places because they are sacred to me ( just like the canyons are sacred), even though they are privately owned.
I don’t want to spend my money on higher taxes, higher gym fees, or higher game ticket fees (or higher private park entrance fees) because other slobs and their progeny want other people to pick up their garbage. I don’t want to spend money on cleaning up a world that is suffocating under our filth because we can’t get our act together. Why isn’t that everybody’s issue? Why is it a “leftie issue?”
Maybe it is just because I am the messenger. After all, I am a pirate, not a card-carrying conservative. But don’t let me get in the way of my message. Regarding my post below, the simultaneous thought and comment that I and my fellow pirate (Mansour Aryazand) made was that the littering bimbos may have hucked their garbage while they thought they were out of sight. They did this possibly to spite us, because I had earlier suggested they had accidentally dropped their garbage, which got them to pick it up. I have met lots of stupid, ignorant people who, when called on their crap – whether it’s slobbish, repulsive, rude, ignorant, or criminal behavior – will simply engage in additional stupid behavior just to spite the world. Should that stop us from pointing out the wrongs we see and trying to change it? Let’s face it, it’s hard to figure out a way to get through to such people, but get through we must.
I want to borrow and paraphrase the words of my fellow favorite and famous pirate, Jack Sparrow, from Pirates of the Caribbean:
The only rules that really matter are these: what a people can do, and what a people can't do. For instance, you can accept that your fellow sojourners are pirates, and yet still capable of much good; or you can’t. Pirate is in your blood and that of your fellowmen/women, so you'll have to square with that some day. And for me, for example: I can let you all be stupid and soil your bed, but I can't bring this earth into the next century all by me onesies. Savvy? So, can you and those with whom you associate stop polluting and throwing all your junk around, and sail under the suggestion of a pirate? Or, can you not?
Loren M. Lambert © May 27, 2014
My psychologist friends would be familiar with this malady: Years ago, a potential client wanted to sue his employer for sexual harassment, and for creating a sexually hostile work environment.
His complaint was that his supervisors and co-workers were almost constantly, without remorse or any sense of circumspection, literally flooding the workplace with graphic and visual depictions of the male genitalia and female mammary glands. To impress upon my mind the vast extent of this prurient depravity, he proceeded to extract (from the triple-layered plastic Wal-mart grocery sacks he substituted for a suitcase and multipurpose filing cabinet) numerous photographs of the offending materials.
While a few photographs seemed (if viewed at a great distance through cataracts) to resemble these less-frequently viewed and most cherished – yet also reviled – body parts, it soon became evident that if this poor soul’s coworker had vomited up a pile of glass shards, or had accidentally crushed an arm in a metal press, he would have envisioned all the sensual carnalities ever imagined by men (and a few women), as well as enough breasts and penises for use by all the world's cosmetic plastic surgeons for time and all eternity, to emulate as worthy models in their Artisian surgeries.
This person’s chronic mental health condition was not unlike the condition that beset the early explorers (mostly male), who started naming all the mountain formations after females and their body parts. One notable example are the Grand Tetons, a French name, which, in English, would be the Grand Tits, or Grand Breasts, or Grand Mammary Glands. (We need to reciprocate and see if one of the French Alps could be named the Grand Tits and see if that sounds as neat to them as the Grand Tetons do to us.)
Just as this past potential client of mine tended to see male genitalia and female mammary glands in all he saw, some of my conservative friends somehow see every idea, comment, or breath from someone who does not bear the Fox News, or Glen Beck, conservative stamp of approval as a leftie conspiracy, to bring upon them the totalitarian apocalypse.
Case in point: I wrote a recent post (below) that was about littering, and it was deemed proof of a leftie conpiracy. Polluting and littering are not leftie, liberal, or progressive issues. It’s littering. It's polluting. Both are forms of theft that steal our money, not in an in-your-face robbery, but an after-the-fact embezzlement. This post concerned three post-pubescent girls littering up Big Cottonwood Canyon. I hate it just as much when I see slobs at Gold’s Gym leave their water bottles, packaging, and used Q-tips on the floor, or when I see those who go to games with their fat (or skinny) spouses and pack of loud (or quiet) brats who leave all their trash behind in the stadium. I go out of my way to pick up trash at Gold’s Gyms and other places because they are sacred to me ( just like the canyons are sacred), even though they are privately owned.
I don’t want to spend my money on higher taxes, higher gym fees, or higher game ticket fees (or higher private park entrance fees) because other slobs and their progeny want other people to pick up their garbage. I don’t want to spend money on cleaning up a world that is suffocating under our filth because we can’t get our act together. Why isn’t that everybody’s issue? Why is it a “leftie issue?”
Maybe it is just because I am the messenger. After all, I am a pirate, not a card-carrying conservative. But don’t let me get in the way of my message. Regarding my post below, the simultaneous thought and comment that I and my fellow pirate (Mansour Aryazand) made was that the littering bimbos may have hucked their garbage while they thought they were out of sight. They did this possibly to spite us, because I had earlier suggested they had accidentally dropped their garbage, which got them to pick it up. I have met lots of stupid, ignorant people who, when called on their crap – whether it’s slobbish, repulsive, rude, ignorant, or criminal behavior – will simply engage in additional stupid behavior just to spite the world. Should that stop us from pointing out the wrongs we see and trying to change it? Let’s face it, it’s hard to figure out a way to get through to such people, but get through we must.
I want to borrow and paraphrase the words of my fellow favorite and famous pirate, Jack Sparrow, from Pirates of the Caribbean:
The only rules that really matter are these: what a people can do, and what a people can't do. For instance, you can accept that your fellow sojourners are pirates, and yet still capable of much good; or you can’t. Pirate is in your blood and that of your fellowmen/women, so you'll have to square with that some day. And for me, for example: I can let you all be stupid and soil your bed, but I can't bring this earth into the next century all by me onesies. Savvy? So, can you and those with whom you associate stop polluting and throwing all your junk around, and sail under the suggestion of a pirate? Or, can you not?
Loren M. Lambert © May 27, 2014
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