When I feel that empty spot in my heart that only can be filled with hate and fear, I go listen to my old standby, conservative talk show host, Rush Limbaugh. Thank God I listened, again, for I failed to see the latest new war, launched by liberals great and small. What is it? As if you didn't know, it's the war on football (American football), one of the only reasons you would kiss a girl (except for the reason that she can maybe give you kids who can play football)!
Limbaugh said that soon, Football with a capital "F" will be replaced by fooseball with a small "f. " Football spelled backwards spells "llabtoof," which sounds like something that can be purchased at Victoria’s Secret, or Bed, Bath and Beyond, and therefore is all-American.
If you want to be watchin’ or playin’ with little panzy fake men on a stick, kicking a little turd into a slot with a little flick of the wrist, or watching diminutive aliens smacking little birdies around with kiddie rackets, then do nothing.
However, if you want to watch grown, steroid-enlarged men with cool tats and Adonis faces sticking their sweaty hands up the crotch of a corn-fed, oversized cornhusker to summon the ol' pigskin, and then listen to heads crack in a real man's game as they try to get that skin over the goal line, join the fight by sending me money. I will then use a good portion of it to defeat the would-be ball wreckers.
God bless America, apple pie, and Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleaders. Long live football!
Loren M. Lambert © April 26, 2013
Limbaugh said that soon, Football with a capital "F" will be replaced by fooseball with a small "f. " Football spelled backwards spells "llabtoof," which sounds like something that can be purchased at Victoria’s Secret, or Bed, Bath and Beyond, and therefore is all-American.
If you want to be watchin’ or playin’ with little panzy fake men on a stick, kicking a little turd into a slot with a little flick of the wrist, or watching diminutive aliens smacking little birdies around with kiddie rackets, then do nothing.
However, if you want to watch grown, steroid-enlarged men with cool tats and Adonis faces sticking their sweaty hands up the crotch of a corn-fed, oversized cornhusker to summon the ol' pigskin, and then listen to heads crack in a real man's game as they try to get that skin over the goal line, join the fight by sending me money. I will then use a good portion of it to defeat the would-be ball wreckers.
God bless America, apple pie, and Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleaders. Long live football!
Loren M. Lambert © April 26, 2013
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