Barry Swartz, psychologist phenom of the TED circuit, says that an abundance of choice, rather than liberating us, leads to paralysis and an escalation of unattainable expectation. For instance, studies have shown that in companies where there are lots of pension/savings plans from which to choose, people become so bogged down with trying to decide which is best, they just give up. Also, when people do chose among numerous overwhelming options, they are less satisfied afterwards, and always worried they could have done better. Eventually, they become despondent, because deep in the recesses of their minds, they believe they could have done better.
This happens to me all the time--especially on Facebook. I get bombarded with messages of, “Free [this]!” “Go to this event!” “Do [this]!” “Vote for me on [this]!” “Just click [this] and you’ll win your dream wedding and peace will break out all over the world!”–all to the point where I just freeze up, knowing that out of all those many choices, I’ll never figure out the right one to pursue and will miss the one event that could have made me rich, forever young, and always satisfied. Now, when I do pick some event, or buy something, or spend my time voting for one person’s cause and didn’t have time to vote for the other person’s cause (or even mine!), I always sulk, wondering if I did the right thing, just like Swartz warns.
Now, it strikes me: The real problem with the breakdown of marriage in the modern world is not Monday Night Football, drinking too much soy, gay marriage, fast cars, or faster women and men. The problem is too many actual or imagined choices that we have for mates. Long ago, when there were five possible mates in your village (and you knew of no others who existed, or could even imagine existed), you knew who the “best” one was. If you didn’t capture the “best” one, you knew why you didn’t and why someone else did, and you knew you had to live with it, both metaphorically and actually.
According to Swartz, the moral of the story is to hold low expectations (or realistically modest ones). That would mean living on a small, isolated island with five choices for a spouse–and to be really grateful for those limited choices, especially after having survived a catastrophe.
Let's plan today. Here are your choices . . .
Loren M. Lambert © January 12, 2013
This happens to me all the time--especially on Facebook. I get bombarded with messages of, “Free [this]!” “Go to this event!” “Do [this]!” “Vote for me on [this]!” “Just click [this] and you’ll win your dream wedding and peace will break out all over the world!”–all to the point where I just freeze up, knowing that out of all those many choices, I’ll never figure out the right one to pursue and will miss the one event that could have made me rich, forever young, and always satisfied. Now, when I do pick some event, or buy something, or spend my time voting for one person’s cause and didn’t have time to vote for the other person’s cause (or even mine!), I always sulk, wondering if I did the right thing, just like Swartz warns.
Now, it strikes me: The real problem with the breakdown of marriage in the modern world is not Monday Night Football, drinking too much soy, gay marriage, fast cars, or faster women and men. The problem is too many actual or imagined choices that we have for mates. Long ago, when there were five possible mates in your village (and you knew of no others who existed, or could even imagine existed), you knew who the “best” one was. If you didn’t capture the “best” one, you knew why you didn’t and why someone else did, and you knew you had to live with it, both metaphorically and actually.
According to Swartz, the moral of the story is to hold low expectations (or realistically modest ones). That would mean living on a small, isolated island with five choices for a spouse–and to be really grateful for those limited choices, especially after having survived a catastrophe.
Let's plan today. Here are your choices . . .
Loren M. Lambert © January 12, 2013
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