Okay, how often does a man, take a shower, irrigate his teeth, wear his best, bust his bank, find some exotic, unique, or significant spot, get down on bended knee, prostrate himself, and in front of his favorite girl, with his hand lofting up some token of love's material manifestation say, "Will you marry me, and regardless of your answer, please take this $10,000 stone and ring of metal as a gift to resale, keep, or spit on and toss.”
Never–unless they don’t care about money and you’re just the latest addition to the harem. So, usually you don’t get the ring without the marriage.
Yet in my legal career, and most recently, I often have had–metaphorically and literally speaking-this seemingly facile question: Do I get to keep the ring anyway? Or, can I take the ring back?
Answer: If you got the ring yesterday, the answer is probably no, you don’t get to keep it. Or if you gave it to her 10 years ago, no, you probably don’t get to ask for it back. Then, depending on the circumstances, there could be different answers or outcomes between these two extremes.
Why is this so? The answer is, what was the agreement? Yes, that’s right, what was the agreement? Or what was expected for what was given? This is true in all relationship exchanges. Make sure you know and make sure you make it clear.
Men, nor women, give money, sex, time, gifts, affection, power, companionship, diner or attention without there being some quid pro quo, whether what is expected is friendship or marriage. So don’t be stupid or naive, when in doubt, make sure you know and make sure you indicate. This is true whether it’s lunch for advice, marriage for a ring, or an all expense-paid trip to middle earth for ?. Yes, it’s a bit inelegant but asking and indicating is better than taking advantage, being taken advantage of or being disappointed.
Loren M. Lambert © December 18, 2013
Never–unless they don’t care about money and you’re just the latest addition to the harem. So, usually you don’t get the ring without the marriage.
Yet in my legal career, and most recently, I often have had–metaphorically and literally speaking-this seemingly facile question: Do I get to keep the ring anyway? Or, can I take the ring back?
Answer: If you got the ring yesterday, the answer is probably no, you don’t get to keep it. Or if you gave it to her 10 years ago, no, you probably don’t get to ask for it back. Then, depending on the circumstances, there could be different answers or outcomes between these two extremes.
Why is this so? The answer is, what was the agreement? Yes, that’s right, what was the agreement? Or what was expected for what was given? This is true in all relationship exchanges. Make sure you know and make sure you make it clear.
Men, nor women, give money, sex, time, gifts, affection, power, companionship, diner or attention without there being some quid pro quo, whether what is expected is friendship or marriage. So don’t be stupid or naive, when in doubt, make sure you know and make sure you indicate. This is true whether it’s lunch for advice, marriage for a ring, or an all expense-paid trip to middle earth for ?. Yes, it’s a bit inelegant but asking and indicating is better than taking advantage, being taken advantage of or being disappointed.
Loren M. Lambert © December 18, 2013
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