The Cold and Flu Season

I know it's an ignorant thing to say, but sometimes I wish that more people would die of colds and flues so we'd maybe figure out a cure. I mean we whipped all the baduns, been to the moon and have microwave popcorn, why not this? I got my shot and still got slammed.

Let's cure it so you and I don't have to go through this priestly ritual every so often of larynx impalement by a billion little knife wielding viruses, waking up feeling like I got hit by a gangham style viral tsunami, then hacking so hard I invert my esophagus, and finally running more fluid through my sinuses than the New York City sewage system until all that is left of me is a whimpering earthworm caught too late out on the pavement in the morning sun after a rain storm, wondering if I can wiggle fast enough back into life before I dry out into earthworm jerky or get squished in the traffic.

Yeah, yeah, I know, could be cancer or any number of maladies that are way more worse but please just play one of your tiny little violins for me on this cold February night, just a tiny, tinsy, winsy one and only for a nanosecond. Love ya.

Loren M. Lambert © February 7, 2013