Barry Swartz, psychologist phnom of the TED circuit says that an abundance of choice, rather than liberating us, leads to paralysis and an escalation of unattainable expectation. For instance, studies have shown that in companies where there are lots of pension/savings plans to chose among, people become so bogged down with trying to decide which is best, they just give up. Also, when people do chose among numerous overwhelming options, afterwards they are less satisfied and always worried they could have done better and eventually become despondent because deep in the recesses of their minds they know they could have done better.
I know it happens to me all the time, especially on facebook. I get bombarded with all the messages of free this, go to this event, do this, vote for me on this, just click this and I’ll win my dream wedding and peace will break out all over the world–all to the point where I just freeze up knowing that out of all those many choices I’ll never figure out the right one to pursue and will miss the one event that could have made me rich, forever young and always satisfied. I now when I do pick some event, or buy something or spend my time voting for this one person’s cause and didn't have time to vote for the other person’s cause or even mine, I always sulk wondering if I did the right thing, just like Barry warns.
And then it stuck me–that is the real problem with the breakdown of marriage in the modern world–its not Monday night football, drinking too much soy, gay marriage, fast cars or faster women and men, it’s too many actual or imagined choices that we have for mates. Long ago when there was 5 possible mates in your village and none others that you knew of or could imagine, you knew if you got hitched to the best one, and if you didn't, you knew why you didn't and why someone else did, and you knew you had to live with it both metaphorically and actually.
The moral of the story Barry says is to have low expectations (or realistically modest ones). That would mean living on a small isolated island with 5 choices for a spouse–and to be really grateful, doing so after having survived a catastrophe. Let's plan today, here are your choices . . .
Loren M. Lambert © January 12, 2013
I know it happens to me all the time, especially on facebook. I get bombarded with all the messages of free this, go to this event, do this, vote for me on this, just click this and I’ll win my dream wedding and peace will break out all over the world–all to the point where I just freeze up knowing that out of all those many choices I’ll never figure out the right one to pursue and will miss the one event that could have made me rich, forever young and always satisfied. I now when I do pick some event, or buy something or spend my time voting for this one person’s cause and didn't have time to vote for the other person’s cause or even mine, I always sulk wondering if I did the right thing, just like Barry warns.
And then it stuck me–that is the real problem with the breakdown of marriage in the modern world–its not Monday night football, drinking too much soy, gay marriage, fast cars or faster women and men, it’s too many actual or imagined choices that we have for mates. Long ago when there was 5 possible mates in your village and none others that you knew of or could imagine, you knew if you got hitched to the best one, and if you didn't, you knew why you didn't and why someone else did, and you knew you had to live with it both metaphorically and actually.
The moral of the story Barry says is to have low expectations (or realistically modest ones). That would mean living on a small isolated island with 5 choices for a spouse–and to be really grateful, doing so after having survived a catastrophe. Let's plan today, here are your choices . . .
Loren M. Lambert © January 12, 2013
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