Some of you may have experienced, like I have, an occasion in which your partner’s snoring either awoke you or made it difficult to doze off softly to sleep. I have an infallible remedy.
Now, I must say that on two occasions – once while in military barracks when I was in the army reserves during summer training, and once when I was out of town sharing a room with a cousin of mine – I was subjected to such cacophonous snoring that I thought the individuals experiencing it were most likely inhaling their entire face down into their throat and then expelling them. I dared not venture to investigate for fear of being emotionally scarred for life. Nevertheless, I suspect that these “Olympian” snorers (although they will have to master the technique indicated herein to perfection), probably also have Olympian hearts and minds, based upon the long-suffering they have endured, and are therefore capable of mastering this technique.
This technique was discovered the night I spent down near Moab, camping after a flash flood. That evening, hundreds of desert toads erupted into a symphony of croaks, bleats, and peeps. I awoke and was compelled to go sit and listen for over an hour. It was exquisite! I’ve experienced the same when on other camping trips. I’ve been awoken by coyotes howling, owls hooting, crickets chirping, loons crying, and the sounds of many other nocturnal creatures. On all of these occasions, I don’t remember ever awakening and thinking, “Damn it, that is so annoying!” and then not being able go to sleep. I also don’t remember ever scrambling for earplugs or some other material to stuff into my ears. In fact, on most of those occasions, I made an effort to listen intently and I marveled at the sound of it.
Often, what we can view in a more positive light is deprived of the power to annoy us. So the remedy is: the next time your partner snores, imagine that you’ve never heard anyone snore before, as if you’re hearing the song of whales for the first time – and convince yourself that you are captivated by all new experiences and therefore relish all the dynamic nuances of those snores. Imagine them emanating from some exotic creature (that, at one time in your life, you thought your partner to truly be). In fact, you might even grab a notebook and start to describe all the variations of snores and categorize the different sounds.
You will then discover, like I have, that snores are robbed of their power to annoy you and are transformed into something akin to the cry of loons. Then, you can softly drift off to sleep, appreciative of the captivating nocturnal music of your exotic partner.
I’m going to next employ this technique on spoken language, especially emanating from the mouth of exotic politicians with whom I don’t agree. Wish me luck.
Loren M Lambert © April 20, 2017.
Now, I must say that on two occasions – once while in military barracks when I was in the army reserves during summer training, and once when I was out of town sharing a room with a cousin of mine – I was subjected to such cacophonous snoring that I thought the individuals experiencing it were most likely inhaling their entire face down into their throat and then expelling them. I dared not venture to investigate for fear of being emotionally scarred for life. Nevertheless, I suspect that these “Olympian” snorers (although they will have to master the technique indicated herein to perfection), probably also have Olympian hearts and minds, based upon the long-suffering they have endured, and are therefore capable of mastering this technique.
This technique was discovered the night I spent down near Moab, camping after a flash flood. That evening, hundreds of desert toads erupted into a symphony of croaks, bleats, and peeps. I awoke and was compelled to go sit and listen for over an hour. It was exquisite! I’ve experienced the same when on other camping trips. I’ve been awoken by coyotes howling, owls hooting, crickets chirping, loons crying, and the sounds of many other nocturnal creatures. On all of these occasions, I don’t remember ever awakening and thinking, “Damn it, that is so annoying!” and then not being able go to sleep. I also don’t remember ever scrambling for earplugs or some other material to stuff into my ears. In fact, on most of those occasions, I made an effort to listen intently and I marveled at the sound of it.
Often, what we can view in a more positive light is deprived of the power to annoy us. So the remedy is: the next time your partner snores, imagine that you’ve never heard anyone snore before, as if you’re hearing the song of whales for the first time – and convince yourself that you are captivated by all new experiences and therefore relish all the dynamic nuances of those snores. Imagine them emanating from some exotic creature (that, at one time in your life, you thought your partner to truly be). In fact, you might even grab a notebook and start to describe all the variations of snores and categorize the different sounds.
You will then discover, like I have, that snores are robbed of their power to annoy you and are transformed into something akin to the cry of loons. Then, you can softly drift off to sleep, appreciative of the captivating nocturnal music of your exotic partner.
I’m going to next employ this technique on spoken language, especially emanating from the mouth of exotic politicians with whom I don’t agree. Wish me luck.
Loren M Lambert © April 20, 2017.
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