Herb Cowan (my mentor and large vegetable farmer) came home the other day and looked at his torn-up truck's grill. He stood in front of it, practicing his farm and ranch-owner meditation slogans. You know them: “You !#$#@!% son of a $#%!@!”
Being the unusually calm person he is, he wagged his head slowly from side to side as he spoke with a tone and delivery that was as soft and peaceful as a Yogi leads a Sivananda yoga class. In short, it sounded like he was blessing his truck with swear words.
I knew I had to ask what happened. He looked at me, blinked several times, looked at the grill, then looked back and whispered:
“You should nev’r, nev’r, nev’r, nev’r, nev’r drive behind someone with a ladder in the back o’ th’r truck ‘r vehicle, cuss – and I know by experience, and I even looked it up – more ladders end up as mangled, twisted, and flattened road kill on our highways than any other animate or inanimate object or life form known to man or beast. Also, if you love yer ladder, as much as I love my harse, you’ve got ta tie it down several times, 'cause that sucker, as soon as you turn yer back on it and yer drivin’ down the highway, will untie itself quicker than a tweet will fart out of our president’s fingers when something stupid pops into his head.”
Loren M. Lambert © October 7, 2017
Being the unusually calm person he is, he wagged his head slowly from side to side as he spoke with a tone and delivery that was as soft and peaceful as a Yogi leads a Sivananda yoga class. In short, it sounded like he was blessing his truck with swear words.
I knew I had to ask what happened. He looked at me, blinked several times, looked at the grill, then looked back and whispered:
“You should nev’r, nev’r, nev’r, nev’r, nev’r drive behind someone with a ladder in the back o’ th’r truck ‘r vehicle, cuss – and I know by experience, and I even looked it up – more ladders end up as mangled, twisted, and flattened road kill on our highways than any other animate or inanimate object or life form known to man or beast. Also, if you love yer ladder, as much as I love my harse, you’ve got ta tie it down several times, 'cause that sucker, as soon as you turn yer back on it and yer drivin’ down the highway, will untie itself quicker than a tweet will fart out of our president’s fingers when something stupid pops into his head.”
Loren M. Lambert © October 7, 2017
No comments:
Post a Comment