This is what my dear conservative friends have taught me this election cycle:
1. Other than political promises, if someone reveals what s/he has done, what s/he wants to do, and what s/he is going to do, you should believe her/him – unless s/he is a Republican candidate for president, and s/he claims it was “locker room talk.”
2. Sexual impropriety disqualifies you for the presidency, unless you were not a politician when you engaged in it, and you are the Republican candidate for president.
3. Women asserting that they have been the victim of sexually inappropriate conduct deserve to be heard, should not be maligned, nor questioned about the verities of their histories, unless their allegations concern the Republican candidate for president.
4. A presidential candidate is guilty until proven innocent, unless you are the Republican candidate for president. Then, you are not to be judged and are innocent of everything – especially if you say, “believe me,” several times.
5. A presidential candidate should not incite violence, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
6. A presidential candidate’s character is important, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
7. A presidential candidate should not encourage dictators and our potential enemies to commit crimes against our citizens, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
9. A candidate for president can be called the ugliest names that we, as human beings, can conjure up, unless used against the Republican candidate for president.
10. A democratic president is subject to impeachment for sexual infidelity and being untruthful about it, but not if you run as the Republican candidate for president and become president.
11. The Republicans are superior morally and their political opinions are superior to their Democratic fellow citizens. Therefore, the faults and moral depravity of their candidate for president is irrelevant.
12. The Republican establishment will support its Republican candidate for president – even if the candidate is not really a Republican or a conservative – and even if that candidate has required them to metaphorically endure the insult of personally cleaning out his open pit latrine by hand on national television.
13. If you are involved in “American Style” corruption (money for political patronage), it is not okay, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
14. If you win the presidential election and you’re the democratic candidate, it must be because you and everybody else in the U.S. cheated against you.
15. If the media reports anything negative against you, or anyone says anything negative about you yesterday, today, or tomorrow, and you are the democratic candidate for president, it is factual, if you are the Republican candidate for president.
Loren M. Lambert © October 13, 2016
1. Other than political promises, if someone reveals what s/he has done, what s/he wants to do, and what s/he is going to do, you should believe her/him – unless s/he is a Republican candidate for president, and s/he claims it was “locker room talk.”
2. Sexual impropriety disqualifies you for the presidency, unless you were not a politician when you engaged in it, and you are the Republican candidate for president.
3. Women asserting that they have been the victim of sexually inappropriate conduct deserve to be heard, should not be maligned, nor questioned about the verities of their histories, unless their allegations concern the Republican candidate for president.
4. A presidential candidate is guilty until proven innocent, unless you are the Republican candidate for president. Then, you are not to be judged and are innocent of everything – especially if you say, “believe me,” several times.
5. A presidential candidate should not incite violence, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
6. A presidential candidate’s character is important, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
7. A presidential candidate should not encourage dictators and our potential enemies to commit crimes against our citizens, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
9. A candidate for president can be called the ugliest names that we, as human beings, can conjure up, unless used against the Republican candidate for president.
10. A democratic president is subject to impeachment for sexual infidelity and being untruthful about it, but not if you run as the Republican candidate for president and become president.
11. The Republicans are superior morally and their political opinions are superior to their Democratic fellow citizens. Therefore, the faults and moral depravity of their candidate for president is irrelevant.
12. The Republican establishment will support its Republican candidate for president – even if the candidate is not really a Republican or a conservative – and even if that candidate has required them to metaphorically endure the insult of personally cleaning out his open pit latrine by hand on national television.
13. If you are involved in “American Style” corruption (money for political patronage), it is not okay, unless you are the Republican candidate for president.
14. If you win the presidential election and you’re the democratic candidate, it must be because you and everybody else in the U.S. cheated against you.
15. If the media reports anything negative against you, or anyone says anything negative about you yesterday, today, or tomorrow, and you are the democratic candidate for president, it is factual, if you are the Republican candidate for president.
Loren M. Lambert © October 13, 2016
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